Recycling - Green or desperate?

Cheers my sexy readers!

This week I've been going through all of the work-in-progress posts (the ones I started but never finished). Sometimes, we have a brilliant idea, we write it down, but then abandon it due to whatever reasons. I started feeling kind of bad for them (ideas), I imagined them being so excited to be born, almost like little sprouts, but then being halted and neglected. I know I can be very imaginative:)

So I've decided to give my darling "scapegoats" a well-deserved right to live.

This one is from a year ago. Happened during my workout at the Reebok Sports Club, when I accidentally (if there is such a thing) overheard another member talking to her trainer about relationships.

The conversation went something like this: "How did you get married? You fell madly in love with your husband?" (personal trainer asking the woman). Her response: "No! We just kinda got used to each other, and then it was time, so we got married. It'd better be married than see what my single girl-friends go through these days." Trainer: "What do you mean?" Woman: "they can't seem to meet a nice guy, so most of them go back to dating those they dated in the past but didn't want to settle for."

Hmmm (said both, the trainer and myself). I remember my reaction a year ago. Besides my natural curiosity for the subject, I felt sad. Isn't it like lowering your standards? It's as if a woman's image of herself suffered from not finding love, and she decided that all she could do is settle for the best available option. Really sad. and Pathetic. I am sorry, but I have to say it. Because having a strong sense of herself is woman's nature. She is a goddess who brings life to this Earth. Why do women forget about their Divine, and degrade themselves due to social misconceptions of being single. It seems that it's more acceptable to be married to a completely wrong person (and ruin life of 2 of them, plus to partners they could have made happy) than being alone.

I know it's not all black and white, and there are exceptions to all situations. But in this particular case, it seemed more like a desperate need to be with someone rather than be alone.

Why are we so terrified of being alone? Why don't we love ourselves enough to feel compete? Lastly how can we believe that we can find someone to make us happy before we are happy alone?

It's been said and will be said many times by me and others: We need to fall in love with ourselves first. Become our own best friend and lover, and then, only then feel compelled to share all this love we have inside. A woman glowing in her Bliss is irresistible. She is a Goddess, she is a wolf. She doesn't recycle men, she finds her wolf to run with.

Dating Game, V

Although I haven't been updating you on my dating life in awhile, it doesn't mean nothing has been happening. In fact, it's been pretty busy and even exhausting at times. Not that I planned it that way. But even one of my ex's re-appeared and tried to go back to where we left off 4 years ago (read "From Ex to the Next" post).

Then there were other guys, and some of them had potential, just not enough to make it to a "boy-friend" status. One of them, however, deserves to be mentioned here, for such persistence and patience I haven't seen since I was 15. The majority of men I dated in the last 10 years, were older or much older, and therefore somewhat experienced with women. Meaning, they would get my "subtle" leave-me-alone signals reasonably fast. Not with this guy though. I don't mind his friendship (he's a great person!) but I know his "intentions" are bothering me at times. It's been going on for 3 months. Will see how long he'll last...

What can I say, even a young guy pursuing me this summer, though persistent, got the point. After 4 dates he said what I couldn't bring myself saying "I see you're not into me. So I'm gonna go". Yes, Thank you. Really, Thank you for taking initiative and sparing me from an "unpleasant" part of dating.

Man, I wish I were more direct. It's the woman in me, that still wants to make it sound nice, like "It's not you, it's me" speech. Guys, just tell me if you'd rather hear "Leave me alone. Period. I mean it "Leave me alone" and I'll do just that. But even when I did say it to another "character" hitting on me this month, guess what happened? It turned into a text diarrhea, from his side, obviously. He wouldn't stop texting me for a month trying any way possible to get me on a date. I don't know what to say.

I am not trying to sound preposterous but it did happen and believe me I got very tired. You know me I don't like dating, but it certainly felt like everyone wanted a piece of me. Sorry again, you know I am never trying to boast or anything. I'd rather just have one guy interested whom I also like. That would be all I wanted. But unfortunately, I need to go through a lot of weeding out. I guess that's the part of the process in finding the right one.

So what did I do?

I escaped to the beach any chance possible. Some days I was there completely alone, happy to finally enjoy my own undivided attention and re-connect with the nature. Some days - with friends and new acquaintances and admirers :). Naturally I attracted attention. But as anything with the ocean: it comes and goes, and I am here :)

Now that the Summer is over (Did I finally say that?), I am ready for a new season, and maybe a bit more focus on selective dating. In fact, most of my relationships started in the Fall. I guess nothing is as good as a new hot relationship to sooth the pain of the ended Summer and approaching cold season...

Happy dating everyone!

Dating Game, IV

So that rainy Friday, I scored 2 eligible guys at my gym. God himself intended for me to write this blog :)

Michael, the Russian guy, hasn't only come across as persistent, he was persistent. He wasn't joking about hiking, and that's what we did the following day. I must say, he made it very easy for me: picked me up and everything. All I had to do is come downstairs and keep repeating to myself : the worst that can happen, I'll get a nice workout today.
His friends came along and for some reason everyone already assumed that we were an item. I didn't know that it was possible within a few hours of meeting someone new. Apparently, it was.
In any case, in the most traditional Russian manner, as soon as we arrived, all his friends settled in the nature with many bottles of beer and food. Thankfully Michael kept true to his word and the two of us embarked on a hiking trail. It was an intermediate trail, and no matter how much I resisted it, Michael had to lift me up here and there. I thought it was a bit of too much pre-mature touching for my taste. But I had no choice, I needed to get to the top of the mountain.

An hour and half later, we were sitting at the top (pic below). Either due to the fact that he had to lift me up and I had to hold on to his shoulders a few times (believe me it wasn't optional), or that we successfully got to the top, Michael started feeling entitled in entering my space. You know me, I am the most passionate gal in the whole New York galaxy, but helping me get to the top of the mountain isn't enough to light my passion. I need a day and a night and a whole cycle to let it out.

To keep my space and smoothly escape Michael's hands, I started taking pictures, talking to strangers, making chit chat with anyone around. Those Russian guys, just don't give you any space. Never mind that we met only about 20 hours ago...

I was home around 7pm, and couldn't wait to wash off the dust and sweat of an invigorating hike, and most importantly, Michael's hands. By 8pm, I was having sushi with J, and finally felt happy and safe. I guess hiking with a pushy Russian is simply not my element.

Next week, Michael wanted to see me every day. He crashed on my lunch with my girl-friends. He got upset I wouldn't ditch my girls to be with him. I was getting frustrated.
I have a life, and you are not a part of it just yet. You need to make your way there, no shortcuts, at least not for everyone.
Besides, I have a demanding job, fitness routine, girl-friends, wine friends, etc. I just met you, you can't expect me to just drop everything to be with you.

Still I had to give him a reason of a doubt. He was a good guy, we just weren't on the same wavelength. So I gave it a try for another week. The last drop was when I had to work late and he called me at work and started complaining that I was putting my job first. Seriously?

It was enough. I couldn't stand it anymore. I told him it wasn't a good timing for us, he called me weird. Whatever, I just couldn't wait to get out of his controlling grip and get back to my free life. Don't I live in a free country where space is valued and appreciated?

And just conveniently right then Amar called me and invited me out. I couldn't do that day, his answer: No worries sweetie, How about Friday or whenever is good for you? Mmmmm :) That's my kinda answer. So I happily added a date with Amar to my busy schedule. Stay tuned...

Dating Game, III

Cheers all,

Sorry for my temporary disappearance, it wasn't intentional. Life has been hectic in the past few weeks, and, as I once mentioned, I take my blog seriously, and only write from my heart and soul. When life gets crazy, connecting to my heart and soul could be challenging. Hence my temporary absence..

Anyway I am back, and ready to share with you my latest "new york love" shenanigans. Though I write about many different (ideally inspirational/motivational) things, the primary purpose of this blog is to find true love, and inspire others. The task I took on exactly a year ago. Results: many fun dates, few strong connections, 2 major disappointments, best sex of my life, one painful breakup. A lot has been experienced and learned. But most importantly, I have never felt stronger and so much in love with myself as I do now. More about it later.

If you read the last post from my "Online dating" series, then you are aware that I actually dated someone I met online for a few months. And although I was temporary off the dating market, let me tell my dating life was anything but dull. Right when I met the guy I dated, I met a couple of guys at my gym who deserve to be mentioned here :)

It was a typical Friday night, and where else would I be but at the Reebok sports club. Yes, my usual TGIF routine doesn't involve 2 for 1 margaritas at the nearest bar... I've told you I'm dorky :)

Here I am on a treadmill, watching Tosh on Comedy central, trying to run and laugh at the same time. Please don't try it, could be dangerous! Some guy simply comes up and starts talking to me. Only a Russian guy could interrupt you while you're in the middle of doing your own thing. Sure enough, Michael is Russian and it only takes five minutes into a conversation that I am invited to go hiking with him tomorrow and anything he is doing in the future. That's the way Russian guys are: fast, straightforward, persistent. He is not giving up. Lucky for him, I like his smile, so here is my number, see you tomorrow. After a few unsuccessful attempts to become my personal trainer for the night, he finally leaves me alone to finish my workout.

As I finish my workout, take a shower, and head outside, I find that it's raining cats and dogs. Even umbrella wouldn't be much of a use, not that I have it..

What are my choices? Not many. I am just waiting for the rain to stop. Few minutes passes and another lucky Reebok member joins me under the roof. I feel his look on me, I am kinda used to it, so no sign from my side. In a few minutes, I guess tired of waiting to see any interest coming his way, he goes "How long have you been waiting?  "5 years and 2 months" I'm thinking but saying "A few minutes". Really, does it matter how long I have been waiting? How will it improve the odds of stopping the rain.. Logically?

"Hmm" he says."We could be waiting for a long time" What a genius! I have no choice but to look at him with a smirk on my wet face. As I turn around and finally look at him, all my sarcastic intentions wash away as fast as the rain falling on our faces. I am met with an amazing smile. He's got my smile: open, sweet, real, sexy, mysterious. I am drawn to him instantly. The rain stops and we start walking and talking and it's all good! Amar is from India, has been around the world, and it seems we'll never run out of things to talk about. And his smile, that smile..

He walks me to the Lincoln Center, I give him my number, and we cheek kiss each other good night. I am running home, and dreaming of his smile.

Stay tuned to hear what happens next.

  

Dating Game II

I know I've left you in the dark about what happened in Vegas and especially what happened after.
First calm down, all went well, I didn't have to run and get a room to save myself from a maniac. Quite the opposite, M and I had a wonderful time. I know I did. But as cliche as it sounds, that wonderful time stayed in Vegas.
I came back to NY and to reality.
It was a very busy time for me, on love front that is. You know how it always happens all at once. I had my mind on M, JM and RD (just seeing them of course, nothing else except for one). Trying to figure out who I liked the most, who to see and who would I possibly date.. Choices, decisions..
Needless to say, none of them came to play any role. I figured something important, if I wasn't sure about either one it meant that none of them had stepped forward enough for me to make that decision. And as soon as I made that realization they all quietly disappeared.. I still talk to JM, considering that we've known each other for 4 years now. Once again, he transitioned back to a good old friend I see twice a year to catch up on the world affairs and cross cultural differences. RD has transitioned into a friend category. and it seems to be going just fine, we are both intelligent people. Besides we enjoy each other's company immensely. M has simply transitioned into a wonderful past experience..
It was then when I felt exhausted emotionally and took a break from dating.

Even though several weeks ago, I informed you that I was back in the game, I am not dating at a full force just yet; taking my time. I wouldn't probably at all but as you know when you have the least interest you get the most.. Since I get quite a bit of attention and trying to treat people the way I want to be treated I have an occasional date now and then. But I am in no rush to get to know anyone as soon as I normally do. So for now, I'll just leave it at this. Updates to follow.

Also I am going to Spain next week and coming back mid September. I will miss you guys though most likely won't be able to get to my writing till I'm back. But I promise once I am back there will be alot of exciting catching up on my part. I am planning to have an awesome time in Spain, and there is even a little treat for me.. I'll tell you all about it later. For now, enjoy the last summer days in NY, and look forward to a new season in the city.

Love

Dating Game I

If you’ve been wondering what I’ve been up to these days in my personal life I am finally ready to let you in.

I’ve been dating. Since my rebound from last relationship ended in April, I entered the dating scene. It’s not that I planned it, but it kind of happened naturally as I regularly meet men that are interesting and are interested. 

I’ll start from the beginning which took place in May.

It was a nice late May Saturday night. My friend from San Francisco came to NY to celebrate her Big day, and a group of 5 people gathered at Mari Vanna, our favourite Russian place in NY. I remember it was exactly a week after my rebound finale and I felt that I just didn’t care anymore. I was just happy to meet with my friends, and couldn’t care less about guys. There were no expectations whatsoever, in a way that I chose a Russian place knowing that I had zero interest in russian guys and it was a safe place to be.

The only desire I had that morning was to go away, travel some place. I am mentioning this right now as you’ll see the reason later. It’s quiet miraculous.

I put my skinny jeans and a white shirt on, and Natalie and I were on the way to meet our friends. I remember we got in there before everyone and ordered some food and drinks. Natalie is my friend and roommate, I think at this point we know about each other’s lives more than anyone. So we just wanted to talk about it all and relax before everyone got in. 
Once my friends joined the place started picking up pace. There were definitely lots of guys, but I was true to myself and did not pay attention being just happily present with my friends. I do recall though that when Lana’s boy-friend Drew was taking a picture of us, a group of guys walked in. I saw them because we were facing the door. I am blind when it comes to distances so I was only able to see smiling (I could be mistaken) faces and black shirts. The guys went in and blended with the crowd. 

My friends and I had an amazing time talking and taking pictures. it was a very easy flowing night. At some point, Drew came over and asked me to arrange a surprise cake for Lana. I had to move to the other side of the bar to talk to the stuff and make sure Lana didn’t see it. So it was then when I finished talking to a personnel at the end of the bar that a guy was picking up 3 glasses of red wine, the guy from the group that I noticed earlier. I turned around and found a beautiful smile and smiling eyes. He asked me whether I would like a glass of wine, and I almost naturally said yes. He gave me the glass right away and asked for another one for himself after giving the other glasses to his friends. 

I asked him what kind of wine it was, he said Malbec, and for some reason I asked him whether he was from Argentina. He had a tanned skin and his face had a nice sexy but kind look that I would associate with Argentinians. Malbec was the link. He said no, but it didn’t matter at that point. He was from another country and had the most unusual name. I liked him instantly but since I wasn’t looking for any adventures that night, I left and joined my friends. 
The cake came out and it was amazing. The guy (I’ll refer to him as M), and I were sending smiles over the room now and then, and I knew he was there and something would happen. 
I don’t remember how but at some point he and his friends got chairs next to us, and I couldn’t fight my instincts anymore. We joined in the night, we had more wine and food. and eventually I found myself talking mostly to him and not my friends. It was easy. My friends left, we stayed, his friends left, we stayed, everybody at the restaurant left and we still stayed. It was right then when I felt that we had to go as the place was closing and I told him that we should get going. But my words just evaporated into the night and I all I could see is his lips and feel the vibes around. We kissed. And when we left the place, we kissed more, we were kissing in a cab home. I was completely turned on, yet I had to pull myself together and kiss him good night. 

The next day, he wanted to go to a movie but I felt that it was my day to do my stuff, such as writing my blog :) You see I didn’t plan it and when it happens out of the blue I am not sure what to do. So we didn’t go to a movie but then he asked me how I felt about going to Vegas with him next week? We just met last night and it would seem crazy, right? But I said Yes, and although I wanted to feel that it was crazy it didn’t feel that way. I think I trusted him, I couldn’t explain why, I just felt it. Maybe because I wanted to go away (remember that morning) and the Universe delivered the opportunity right away and it felt so natural that I went along with it. Yet I felt attracted to him. I felt that I knew him and I could sense that the time together in Vegas would be amazing. But I also sensed that it wasn’t our time yet and we almost rushed in because we so wanted it. I can’t explain it but for some reason my sixth sense was telling me that the timing wasn’t right yet, I knew the trip wouldn’t be an inception to a relationship. I couldn’t explain it and it only made sense later on. 

So I went to Vegas with M the following week. 

Stay tuned in to see what happens next.