Once again to recap: back in the Fall of 2011 I tried online dating. Goal: 3 months, 3 dates. No expectations to meet love that way but simply an experiment, and to also show the Universe that I am serious about falling in love.
2 dates took place and both of them made me realize even more that online dating was simply not for me. It reminds me of shopping online. When I look for lets say a dress online, I check my size, I find the color I like, I think where I would wear it and how I'd pare it with my other items. Online dating isn't much different. You check his age, his height, his body type, where he takes you on a first date, etc. And you see this is not how I want to meet my love. I want it to just happen. I want to meet him first before I think whether I see myself with a guy of this height, who likes that movie, and wether he wants kids or not sure. I don't want cold facts when I want an electric current. Maybe it's not practical but love will never be for me. I'm too idealistic when it comes to it.
Anyway, after 2 dates I wasn't in a mood at all but still if I decided to do something I have to finish it. It's only 1 date left, I can do it. This time I decide to go and find a guy myself, meaning I'll go over all members' pictures and pick one guy I like. He has to have the following: dark hair, tanned skin, beautiful hands and fingers (don't ask why... not now...), nice smile, and kind eyes. The rest I don't care. I decided if I had to do it once again to finalize my experiment and make my final verdict on this whole thing, at least I'll make sure there is chemistry and maybe there is a kiss in the end. So that time and money (and my hope) are not entirely wasted.
That's how I find Steve. There is no questions he is my type, at least in his 5-7 pictures. Dark hair, beautiful smile, long fingers! Smart and funny. I email him, and in the most exciting and humorous way (humor is high on my list) he asks me out.
We meet in Tribeca for some wine, chemistry is undeniable. I can't stop laughing, he can't stop making me laugh. He is smooth, he is sexy. Basically, the guy who'll have that opportunity I mentioned :)
The problem? Oh yes there is a problem. He is a blend of my 2 past loves. It's like God took them both and made Steve. He's got them both. And although he has the qualities that made me fall in love with them: sense of humor, intelligence, confidence, drive, good manners. He also embodies the ones that killed my love in the end: looking for an easy way for himself, selfishness, always putting himself first, empty promises, looking for a hookup, being a smoother.. My reaction? I am excited, I am intoxicated, I can't breathe. I walked that road twice, I am not doing it again. Haven't I learned?? It is true love I am looking for, a partner I can trust. Not to have my trust broken again.
We kiss, we feel electricity going from head to toes. We get in a cab together as we both live on UWS. I say 2 stops, me first. I need to leave I need to run.. It took me a total of 6 years to let those men go, to be able to move on, to open up again. I won't make that mistake again. I get out of the cab, and I run, not walk all the way before I get to my bed. I fall asleep and never think of it again. It wasn't real anyway... It was my past.
That was supposed to be the end of my experiment, and although I still had more than a month of membership I stopped going onsite and responding to any emails. I was done. Or so I thought. But in few weeks there was one more date that actually made a history... Stay tuned.
2 dates took place and both of them made me realize even more that online dating was simply not for me. It reminds me of shopping online. When I look for lets say a dress online, I check my size, I find the color I like, I think where I would wear it and how I'd pare it with my other items. Online dating isn't much different. You check his age, his height, his body type, where he takes you on a first date, etc. And you see this is not how I want to meet my love. I want it to just happen. I want to meet him first before I think whether I see myself with a guy of this height, who likes that movie, and wether he wants kids or not sure. I don't want cold facts when I want an electric current. Maybe it's not practical but love will never be for me. I'm too idealistic when it comes to it.
Anyway, after 2 dates I wasn't in a mood at all but still if I decided to do something I have to finish it. It's only 1 date left, I can do it. This time I decide to go and find a guy myself, meaning I'll go over all members' pictures and pick one guy I like. He has to have the following: dark hair, tanned skin, beautiful hands and fingers (don't ask why... not now...), nice smile, and kind eyes. The rest I don't care. I decided if I had to do it once again to finalize my experiment and make my final verdict on this whole thing, at least I'll make sure there is chemistry and maybe there is a kiss in the end. So that time and money (and my hope) are not entirely wasted.
That's how I find Steve. There is no questions he is my type, at least in his 5-7 pictures. Dark hair, beautiful smile, long fingers! Smart and funny. I email him, and in the most exciting and humorous way (humor is high on my list) he asks me out.
We meet in Tribeca for some wine, chemistry is undeniable. I can't stop laughing, he can't stop making me laugh. He is smooth, he is sexy. Basically, the guy who'll have that opportunity I mentioned :)
The problem? Oh yes there is a problem. He is a blend of my 2 past loves. It's like God took them both and made Steve. He's got them both. And although he has the qualities that made me fall in love with them: sense of humor, intelligence, confidence, drive, good manners. He also embodies the ones that killed my love in the end: looking for an easy way for himself, selfishness, always putting himself first, empty promises, looking for a hookup, being a smoother.. My reaction? I am excited, I am intoxicated, I can't breathe. I walked that road twice, I am not doing it again. Haven't I learned?? It is true love I am looking for, a partner I can trust. Not to have my trust broken again.
We kiss, we feel electricity going from head to toes. We get in a cab together as we both live on UWS. I say 2 stops, me first. I need to leave I need to run.. It took me a total of 6 years to let those men go, to be able to move on, to open up again. I won't make that mistake again. I get out of the cab, and I run, not walk all the way before I get to my bed. I fall asleep and never think of it again. It wasn't real anyway... It was my past.That was supposed to be the end of my experiment, and although I still had more than a month of membership I stopped going onsite and responding to any emails. I was done. Or so I thought. But in few weeks there was one more date that actually made a history... Stay tuned.
I have to say that what you reveal about yourself through your writings on your blog has intrigued me. You seem to be such a passionate, caring, thoughtful, spontaneous, intelligent, spiritual and intriguing woman. And very attractive, from what little I can glimpse of you in your photos. What man in his right mind wouldn't be attracted to you? But like you've said, the shopping list is limited. The chemistry is what it's all about, that "je ne sais quoi" effect. You can't put it into words, but you just know.
ReplyDeleteDating websites are terrible at fostering the shopping list approach. This is why I've stayed away from them for a while. I prefer leaving it up to the serendipity of meeting people in "real life" situations. You go to events and other activities that aren't centered around dating, and then keep your eye out for possibilities. But, sometimes chance is not generous, leaving you to keep on the hunt.
Is the dating website you've been using any better than what you've used in the past? It wouldn't happen to be "match.com", would it?
Anyway, I was sort of expecting that this last date you'd be on would be the surprise. The one that knocked you off your feet and who you'd lock into for long term relationship test. It sounded like Steve would be the guy from all the things you said. He embellished the finer qualities of the men you'd been with before, the ones you'd given your heart to before. But then... you ran away.
Was it really the fear that he'd turn out to be just like the two you'd left behind? Do you feel certain qualities about a man make him destined for certain behaviors going forward that will hurt you, yet again? I'm curious, because you cited all the positives, but didn't cite any negatives other than a reminder of past loves. Or was there something else that you didn't express?
Your final paragraph suggests that it doesn't end there, that a guy with the right chemistry does come around... curious to know the outcome, so I'll await your next installment. ;-)
Gary, first I want to thank you for the beautiful things you said. You're sweet:)
DeleteI've also added a paragraph to provide a better picture on why I ran away. It just happened that my friend called me as soon as she read this post and was in shock that I didn't give this guy Steve a chance. So I wanted to provide more clarity to both of you or those who might be thinking that I made a mistake by passing on that guy.
I knew he couldn't give me what I am looking for and I better not even get into that. My instincts told me to leave:) I trust them now.
And yes, it wasn't the end of my online experience. I'll write about it soon.
Once again thanks! I always love your comments! They make a difference:)
Sasha unequivocally put 'I didn't want to be crazy in love anymore, I want to be happy in love.'
ReplyDeleteI second that.
When she wrote, 'my mind was shouting louder than ever that I had to leave, that he would not be able to give me what I wanted..' I felt it.
Although we have "je ne sais quoi" in us, we know exactly what we dont want. And that helps us move in the right direction.
As always, Amazing ;*
Absolutely right Lina!! You get me more than anyone. Love u:)
ReplyDelete