Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Burning questions answered, Part I

It just happens that at my current job, I am blessed to have wonderful colleagues. I work at a PR firm and even our Finance team has a strong creative bone. The fact that a lot of people have various passions other than finance was obvious almost right away.. But it was to my biggest surprise and pleasure to find out last month that one of my colleagues (a man!) is writing a book on relationships.
As soon as this fact surfaced and I shared with him my secret passion for blogging about relationships, we launched a continuous and passionate discussion about relationships between men and women. It's become a very beneficial collaboration for both. I've been giving him a lot of ideas to write about in his book; he's been giving me honest and detailed answers on men. Most of them opened the secret door to a man's mind. Yes, I've finally found a secret door to a man's mind. And I trust that it's as real as it can get. So get ready to find out some truths about men from a man himself.

I'll cover a series of Q&A's, the ones I feel to be the most burning, and you tell me what you think about it. I'll present them in an interview fashion and my friend's responses will be presented under Man as he speaks not only for himself but for all men out there.

1. Me: Why would a man pull away after he put in a lot of effort to win a woman and he was successful?
Man: He simply realized she wasn't his type. There are 3 types: 1) For fun; 2) For dating; 3) For marrying. If the guy is looking for one particular type and you don't fit it, he will lose his interest pretty fast. Let's say he likes you a lot, and he has fun with you, but it doesn't mean you'll meet his "dating type" material, left alone "marrying" material.

Something to be aware of: When a man meets a "marrying" type, he just has that feeling inside that tells him that he wants to spend his life with this woman. He'll walk down the street and will see her face in everyone's face. Also keep in mind, men are connected to a woman on a physical/sexual level while women are connected on an emotional level. Basically a man will never confuse his physical attraction with an emotional one. While women tend to blend those together.

My Conclusion: Ladies, stop replaying all the conversations and asking yourself what you've done wrong if a guy who was so persistent in the beginning suddenly disappears. It is much more simple. He just realized you're not his type for a serious relationship. or not the type he is looking for at the moment. Whatever the case, don't beat yourself up. Just move on and be mindful. Don't confuse a physical attraction with an emotional one. Just because he gives you an orgasm, hugs and kisses you in all the right places, holds you after sex, and carries you to bed does NOT mean he is the ONE. Listen to your instincts.

to be continued..


  1. Everything is fluid. Everything changes. You meet someone and they seem terrific, all the "right" ingredients are there. Both feel this, so the relationship moves forward. But, what neither really knows is what the other person's agenda is. Is their intent to find fun, regular dating, or marriage? One person might be seeking marriage, while the other just wants to date steady for a while.

    When seeking marriage, you're on the outlook for two things: 1) Does this person have the right stuff, and 2) Does this person feel the same way? A "no" for any of those means an end. But often it may take time to discover both. It could very well be that one person seeks marriage, while the other seeks steady dating. Meanwhile neither is candid enough to really admit the true agenda. Announcing the intention for marriage creates pressure and certain expectations, while stating the intention for "just dating" would kill the potential for something more. Sometimes we get something we're not looking for. A very good friend of mine didn't want to get married, but a woman he was casually dating suddenly changed for him, and it dawned on him wow--I must be with this woman for the rest of my life. If he had set that expectation in the beginning, she probably would've left him, and they both would have missed out.

    1. Very well said Gary. I agree that we all have our own agendas, and that's why the most of our relationships end at some point. That's why timing also plays an integral role when it comes to love and dating or taking it further.
      Anyway, thank you for valuable input and more ideas on the subject. Hope to see more of your comments going forward! Cheers.