Friday, February 20, 2015

Self-love, Embracing Your Feelings

Cheers lovers,

As you know, most of my material is influenced by personal experience. Having ownership of what I share and teach is of utmost importance to me.

This is our second lesson on self-love, and there were a few ideas floating in my head to go with. But this week, as it often happens in life I was moved in a different direction. One morning, I found myself going through some pretty strong uncomfortable feelings, so uncomfortable that they resulted in physical pain. When it happened in the past, I'd have shut those feelings down, distracted myself, run away, done anything possible to avoid them. But the truth is we fool ourselves believing that by doing that we are serving ourselves right. Quite the opposite.

By ignoring our feelings, we are not accepting ourselves completely, we are not loving ourselves. In the end, we end up shutting ourselves down, not claiming our desires, not speaking our truth, and as a result not living our own lives. Over time, those repressed feelings will most likely result in diseases, broken relationships, career failures and ruined lives.

On our path to love, we must address every feeling with proper attention. There is a reason for every feeling going through us. They are there to show us what's desired, what's missing, what's needed. We came to this life to create, and our feelings are our most powerful messengers. If we relax and address them we'll see that they usually indicate something we are missing in our lives. Once we acknowledge that, we realize what it is we would like to create, and that sets the Universe in motion to bring it us. However if we suppress those feelings, we'll try to compensate with harmful behavior such as overeating, drinking, drug abuse, shopping, passive aggressive behavior towards others, and worst of all, hating ourselves.

Here's what happened to me: a few days ago I woke up feeling lonely. Yes, I know, you'll ask me how could you feel lonely when you always say how much you love your time alone, and your own company. And you're right, I do but there are moments in my life when I feel lonely and it's very human. Now, in the past I would try to distract myself with affirmations, work, gym, shopping, anything just not to feel that way. What I didn't realize back then was that by doing that I was setting myself up for a disaster. Instead of addressing that feeling of loneliness and seeking out connections with others (as that was what I was craving) I would shut myself down, sabotage relationships, avoid social events, and distance myself from others.
Moreover, subconsciously I was recreating this scenario over and over again so that I would keep experiencing it all over again until I finally resolved it. This is what happens when we need to resolve a deep seated internal conflict, it will keep showing up in your life over and over again until resolved. Let me tell you, it took me many years of soul searching, self-development, help of other enlightened souls to realize this. But I finally did. And the truth was that I was the one causing this pain, and only I could help myself.

The first step was to acknowledge this feeling and accept it. This is where self-love steps in. When we love ourselves we accept everything we feel. And that's exactly what I did. I felt so much love forr myself that ignoring that feeling seemed almost rude and disregarding to me. So I embraced it completely and gave it my full attention. Truly amazing things happened after. First, I texted my partner (who was away on business) and told him how I felt, then I called my sister and my closest friend (Natasha thank you!). I shared with them how I felt and showed them my vulnerability. Like a wolf crying to the moon I embraced my loneliness and cried to others. They all responded to me with genuine love and care. As it turned out, my fears of being rejected for showing my vulnerability had no basis. In fact, people were happy to show me love and assure me I was not alone. As a result, the feeling of loneliness dissolved into thin air and a feeling of belonging took place. Incredibly, my relationships with others also became stronger and more authentic.

That was truly the first time I experienced the power of authenticity, and it's the most cherishing feeling we could have towards ourselves. The fist step was self-love.

I hope you can see how important it is to acknowledge your feelings, give them proper attention, find a way to address them and let yourself be happy. This is what self-love is.


  1. Those weird feelings are routine, Sasha. We are busy running around and focusing on other matters. On occasion, our soul leaks out through fenestrae causing overwhelming pain. 'Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional'. Balancing is extremely hard, though, possible, moreover, can be trained. There are people who are great at excelling at exteriors and shutting down all else. Such spectrum swings are piece of art, when you see them. Am glad you catch up with those.
    Love you, sis

    1. Oh, sis I miss you so much. You're always such a voice of wisdom. Wish you were here all the time.