Thursday, April 23, 2015

Fall in Love with Your Dark Side

Cheers all,

Why is it very often our self-love is inconsistent? Some days we love ourselves, some days we don't. When we are doing great and feeling great we are in love with ourselves. But when we make mistakes we become our worst critic.

Let me tell you, no one is perfect. I am sure you already know this. We, humans, make mistakes, we hurt ourselves and others. Here's something we need to learn to understand - without one wouldn't be the other. If we didn't hurt we wouldn't know how to love, if we didn't make mistakes we wouldn't know how to make it right. There would be no day if we didn't have night. Everything in life has its opposite, for only because of its opposite it could be experienced.

So if you notice experiencing opposites to understand either one is really an essence of life. We couldn't feel happiness if we didn't know unhappiness. We couldn't be kind if we didn't know how to be unkind. We couldn't be compassionate if we didn't know how to be selfish. It literally applies to everything in life.

I know some might disagree and I expect it for without disagreement there would be no agreement :)

The point is, however, for us to see our dark side and fall in love with it too. If we only love ourselves for our positive qualities and don't accept the negative ones how could we call it love at all? It's half love, it doesn't exist. Love is absolute, it's all-inclusive.

Moreover when we reject our dark side, we reject it in others as well. What do you think happens when we do that? We get disappointed, frustrated, angry, annoyed. We were looking for an ideal, and alas met a real person. And since we all have a dark side, every person will disappoint us sooner or later.
The purpose is to grow spiritually, and become wise. Before we see oneness we need to see separation. We need to accept bad and good before we can see that it's all one, just at the opposite spectrum of each other. Once we see this oneness, we learn to love completely.

So you'll ask me How do we fall in love with our dark side?
First acknowledging that it's there in all of us. Sadly most of us are blue in our faces trying to prove our right all the time. If anyone mentions our negative qualities we get so consumed proving them wrong that we miss an important life lesson to pay attention and see what we need to do to make it right. Let's face it we all make mistakes and sometimes behave less than admirable. We all display jealousy, envy, selfishness, possessiveness, aggression, greed, et al - it's human nature. Just watch children and within one day you'll observe all those "negative" qualities. Of course, we need to grow up and behave like adults, but we also need to remember our nature and stop denying it in ourselves and others. The goal is to accept them (as an adult:) and see what we can do to move up their spectrum.

It was only when I started accepting my dark side was I finally able to fall in love with myself completely. I looked at my dark side from a loving place and as such was able to accept it and consciously move to its opposite. An amazing thing happens once I did that. I became more forgiving and accepting of others. It is so liberating to be accepting. It is as if pounds of weight came off and I felt light and free.

True, it's not as easy as accepting our good qualities. We had avoided our dark side since we were children, society conditioned us to hide our negative qualities and disapprove them in others. Now most people won't even admit (even to themselves) when they feel something that's considered "bad". We shut others down when they want to share their dark side. We run away from it like from plague.
We need to stop, turn to it and accept it with love and patience.

It's a conscious responsibility to undo society's conditioning. Start small, start slow. Maybe one negative quality at a time. For instance, when realized how selfish ("negative" quality in our society) I could be I cried (tears of sorrow mixed with tears of relief). I meditated. With that came strength, and then came power to accept and turn to its opposite, which was compassion. A side note here, selfishness is healthy sometimes, and is needed when we have to stand up for our rights. So it's important to also see value in our "negative" qualities and then decide where to go from there. This post is, however, more about those negative qualities that keep us captive inside and inhibit our ability to live a healthy, happy and fulfilling life.

When we start accepting all of us, we begin to change. We start using our dark side to our advantage, and learn from it. As a result it becomes our friend not enemy, and we enter a state of harmony. And that's when we begin to create the life we truly want.


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