Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Finding ourselves in a relationship

Cheers lovers,

Being in a relationship is going through the best and the worst of times we might experience in this physical life. Truly nothing can compare to the happiness we feel by loving and being loved. On the other hand, the pain that comes with it is the most excruciating. Through a relationship with another we are able to learn about ourselves something that could never come to light otherwise. We are challenged to reveal our deepest layers, show our true colors, and create new ones. It's about abandoning oneself only to find our other self though another. It's the most revealing spiritual journey we embark on.

Naturally, it is easy for a conflict between oneself and the other self we experience through another to develop. The oneself that is only defined by us as one person will fight the other self that becomes identified with another human being. It will fight for its freedom, space, choices. It will ally with our ego and tell us that we need to save our identity, we need to protect ourselves. It will scream to us to beware of the other, that it might tear us apart and break our hearts. It will sabotage our sincerest inspirations towards the other, to let our guards down, to open our hearts and souls. It will do anything to preserve its oneness.

We all experience this internal conflict at a certain point in our relationships, and not necessarily romantic ones. It could be relationships with friends, lovers, partners, children, parents, maybe even pets for some.

What happens then? We sabotage our relationships, we end them, we break them, we leave them. But the worst is when we don't even realize we are doing it. We separate ourselves from a relationship and put all blame on the relationship itself. While the real cause is within ourselves. And guess what? Since it is within us it will re-appear in the next relationship, and then next, and next. And could be forever or until we become aware.

How to break this self-destroying cycle? First, is to identify it. It's not always easy for us to shut down our egos, and accept the painful truth about ourselves. Who wants to believe that we sabotage a loving relationship in order to be alone? Whatever the reason was that led us to preserving ourselves (childhood, bad experiences in the past, society) it needs to be revealed. It will be evading and fighting to come light, but it is necessary to win this battle in order to heal this part of oneself.

Then, we need to fall in love with ourselves all over again, more precisely with the self that is experienced through the other. This love will heal our wounded parts, and will make us feel safe to open up to another. It will create a loving and nurturing space for the love between two people to blossom and grow. It will become the foundation for many beautiful creations manifesting in a relationship. It will take people in a relationship much higher and further than they would reach on their own.

We all have a choice to let ourselves grow in a relationship or follow our old patterns and keeping our hearts closed.

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