Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Self-Love Test

Cheers lovers,

One thing I noticed is that most people can't tell if they truly love themselves or not. There seems to be a lot of confusion. Believe me I still find myself puzzled now and then, weighing ins and outs, studying, doing research.
Here's what I learned, simply feeling good about yourself on most days isn't necessarily true love. Staring at yourself in the mirror and admiring what one sees isn't either. Neither is being cocky nor arrogant. Since we are on this subject, let's throw self-preservation in here as well.

True self-love is much more subtle. It's showing through how one talks about herself, how she walks, how she communicates with others, how she dresses, how she carries herself, how she reacts and behaves. When a woman has deep love for herself she is accepting of herself and others; she is aware that we are all different and are deserving of love. She doesn't judge, nor she covets what others have. She doesn't get upset if someone says something unpleasant about her. She doesn't care about others' opinions of herself. Again she is aware that we are all different and not everyone is approving of her. She loves and approves herself and that's all she needs. Even when she feels annoyed, scared, irritated, jealous, or even mad (and there are moments she does for she's a child of a moon, and goes through cycles), she's easy on herself. She knows it's a passing feeling, and it probably is just a little message for her to decipher regarding her own deep beliefs and desires. She is accepting of her emotions and feelings and she is wise about them. She will address them as they come, she will move on, she'll shine again and fill her heart with love. She doesn't harbor resentment or revenge; she is easy to forgive.

She doesn't need to prove anything to anyone, not even to her own parents and friends. She is giving of her love freely but will walk away if her values are compromised. She won't compete against others, she'll simply go after what she wants. She is comfortable saying Yes and No; she goes by her standards. She stands up for herself when that's the only choice; otherwise, she'll just walk away. For she knows that she's already got all she'd ever need.

So my restless hearts, how can one know if self-love is missing?
Some of the tell-tale signs:
1) one gets easily and often irritable/annoyed/angry with others. One thing is when there is a legitimate reason to get mad at someone (broken trust, undelivered promises, et al). Another is when one gets angry with everyone and everything. People who complain about neighbors, colleagues, bosses, others. Or those who get angry even with a server at the restaurant. You get the picture.

2) Comparing yourself to others. Again it's totally ok to see something others have and desire it for yourself. Another is to feel inferior, unimportant compared to others.

3) Putting up with people who mistreat us. It's normal to have conflicts with those around us. However, it's not when someone is not respectful of us on a consistent basis. Who walks all over us, who talks about us behind our backs, who doesn't align with our values. How about a woman taking man back after each time he hurt her...

I encourage all of us to be honest with ourselves and see which aforementioned areas need improvement. If there is a quality in someone that irritates us, ask yourself Why? Is it something I want? Is it something I don't accept in myself? Is there someone in your life who you need to let go? Is it time to surround yourself with people who inspire you, who respect you, who make you feel good?

Honesty with yourself is the first step. This is where magic happens. This is where healing can happen. This is where love can blossom.

Sending my love to you, giving it freely :)

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